Thursday, January 21, 2010

I Need a Makeover

Even those of you who haven't had a transplant or two will understand how on some days, you feel like your body needs an overhaul. Too many aches, too many systems short-circuiting, numbness here, tingling there, and a reluctance to look in mirrors.

Here's a list of body parts I'd like replaced.

1. My right rotator cuff, injured when they implanted my Hickman catheter

2. My right lung, just to get rid of the fungus

3. My left hip joint which started hurting out of the blue, especially when climbing stairs

4. My thyroid gland, which gave up the ghost in July

5. My fingernails--the nail tip on my left thumb resembles the New York City skyline

6. My salivary glands, which are operating at 50% capacity.

7. My digestive system, selective parts

In addition to the above, I could use a well-distributed padding of 10-15 lbs., more eyelashes, and an injection of moisture for my dry skin. Muscle tone and strength are wanting, and my endurance level is that of a woman nine months pregnant.

Is it so wrong to want to be the Bionic Woman?

5 comments:

Ann said...

I'm right behind you in line for a few of those replacement parts. I can tell you from experience the nail thing will resolve in time. I'm reflecting on my creaky back as I sit here and write this trying to defer today's date with the treadmill.

Ronni Gordon said...

I love it! Like Ann, I could use a lot of those replacement parts too. That face in the mirror, and, yes, the nails, are especially troubling. Shoulders, legs...lots of places where a tuneup would really help.

Jim said...

PJ,

You are the Bionic Woman. Case closed. And so are Ronni and Ann.

Jim

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