Any Port in a Storm

So I had my port installed yesterday and all was well. Saw my doc and my blood counts were good. Even my liver enzymes are improving. Marty made me dinner and we watched repeats of the Daily Show and the Colbert report. I went to bed around 9:30, having popped an oxycodone for the slight pain I was feeling around the incision. Say yes to drugs!

Two hours later, I awoke to a bloodbath. I exaggerate. It was difficult to say where the blood was coming from because the dressing was blocking the view. It wasn't pouring out so much as seeping. We made a plan to go to the hospital first thing in the morning to have it checked. In the meantime, I sat upright in a chair and applied pressure to the wound.

Marty became more nervous by the minute. We went through a lot of paper towels. Finally, we decided that since there wasn't really much on TV, we'd go to the hospital before the snow hit. We couldn't find any tape to hold on a stack of paper towels, so we did something even better. I highly recommend this technique for anyone bleeding in the middle of the night who doesn't want to soil their clothing. Cling Wrape to the rescue!

We placed a towel over the gore and Marty wrapped me up like a leftover. We hopped in a cab and went to the ER at the hospital where the line had been placed earlier in the day. Freak show!Everyone and her mother wanted to find out more about me. They'd never seen anything like it! My treatment consisted of applying pressure to the bleeding site, which was probably just a broken blood vessel.

My accomodations consisted of a gurney in a hallway where anyone who wanted to could see my boobs. Not that anyone wanted to, because all of the patients were in much worse shape and demanded the attention of the medical staff. It was like being in a psycho ward, with much screaming and very bad smells.

Hours later, the bleeding staunched and with a new dressing, I was discharged into the dark snowy night. You can't make this up, and why would you?

I took another oxycodone and slipped into bed and unconsciousness. I plan to stay in my pijamas all day so I can nap at will. I'm going to have some breakfast now, and try to stay out of trouble for the rest of the day. Or at least until Marty gets home.