Sketchy reports continue to trickle in regarding the possible homicide that may have occurred in bucolic East Greenwich, Rhode Island on, of all days, Halloween. No body has been discovered so far, only the tattered remains of a bloody Boston Red Sox sweatshirt. A spokesperson for the Boston Police Department confirms that 7 persons last seen at this week's World Series celebration have indeed gone missing. Signs of an epic struggle, including blood and chocolate smeared on a white tile floor, were discovered at the scene, a colonial-style house on sleepy Moosehorn Road. All five residents of the house were interviewed by police detectives, and four of the five have solid alibis placing them in other locations during the estimated time of the alleged attack, although all admit to being NY Yankees fans. Only the Lady of the House, a veritable recluse due to a recent medical procedure, was home all day. She claims she didn't hear a thing, spending the morning in the upstairs office writing her blog, and then taking a long nap. Preliminary DNA analysis of the blood indicates it came from two unrelated males. Police hypothesize that a home invasion might have taken place, and that the two intruders got into a fight, possibly over Kit Kat bars. This is of course pure speculation and cannot be confirmed at this time.
The Lady did it. In fact, the notion of getting away with murder has long intrigued this (so-called) woman. It was her oncologist (a Red Sox fan, by the way) who planted the seeds for the dastardly deed during her recent visit to him in Boston. It seems that her double umbilical cord blood transplant has created an unusual (some would say freaky) situation in her blood. Since both cords came from boys, and recent bloodwork shows none of her own blood exists any more, she has 100% male blood. Just think, her doctor said. You could murder someone, and if you struggled with your victim, and if you bled, you would be ruled out as a suspect because you're female!
Readers, it's really true. Not the murder of course, but the fact that the blood in my veins is now male. Harry asked me if I have a strong urge to chop wood. I have been having strong urges NOT to do any domestic chores, and for the most part, I haven't done any since they're forbidden by my condition. Now we know what my "condition" is. I have manly blood.
Wait, there's more. Two weeks ago, my blood was 66% cord #2 (which hailed from Colorado) and 33% cord #1 (from Down Under). There was still 1% me in there. Well, it seems the Colorado blood has cooled off and is now tanking, just like the Rockies. The score is now 55% Colorado, 45% Australia. Can the Aussie make a comeback and win?
Ripley's Believe It or Not just called ...