Biathaloning

I'm always looking for food for thought, especially when I'm running. One day last week while I was jogging on my street, I noticed a sign on a tree that read "Whomever took my hanging basket, please return it." Hmm. Whomever. Shouldn't it be Whoever? What's the object of this sentence? Is it the alleged thief or the basket? This took me to the end of my street, which is where I turned around to head back home. Hmm. If I were making a sign to hang on a tree, would I have used whomever? Whomever absconded with my pendulous tuber vessel, would you please be so kind as to transport said treasure back to its lawful owner. Hey, gimme back my plant you ****. Generous reward offered for the return of my beloved Impatiens. In the midst of my grammatical reverie, I glimpsed a strange object just off to the side of the road. A hanging basket filled with wilted impatiens! I could do a good deed by telling my neighbor where to find her purloined plant. Wait a minute, I could be a hero and return the plant myself.

Readers, it's not so easy to run with a plant. Did that stop me? Naw. I spent the next half mile shifting the poor drooper from one hand to the other. I must have looked fairly odd to passing motorists, but I got a terrific upper body workout. You have to try it sometime.

My neighbor, who was outside watering her remaining plants when I called out to ask if what I'd lugged down the street was her missing hanging basket asked, where was it? Oh, by the side of the road, not too far. Must have been some kids. A bit stunned (and wouldn't you be?) the woman thanked me and hung the basket back on the tree, ripping off the thought-provoking sign.

Whoever's reading this post: may grammatical questions fuel your next run. Whatever.